Yesterday we went to sentosa! it was so fun. and expensive. each person spent about 100 bucks. xD actually i am lazy to upload photos. can actually click on sharlene's link. she upload already. but never mind, i am free anyway.
on the way there.
sentosa station.
PS really a lot of pictures. i will just upload those with people in it. heehee.
are you really leaving me? the songs i hear, that make me reminded me of you.. the things that i do, that makes me think of you.. the places that we go together.. now.. i walk alone.. and i see the memories drift in my mind.. baby are you really leaving? i miss you.. i wish we could meet.. i wish i could hug you.. i wish you would tell me everything is alright.. i wish i had given in more to you.. i wish you will come back..
i want you to regret for letting our relationship pass us by. i want you to regret for letting this drag so long. i want you to regret for hurting me. i want you to regret for leaving without a bye yesterday. i want you to regret.
i will show you i will be better without you. i will show you that i don't need you. i will show you how much better my life is without you. i will achieve my goals.
you wait. and see.
i hate you. but if there is no love, where is the hatred?
i am bored in school! waiting for 4 o'clock class. i am tired, not enough sleep! i need more sleep!! i can feel my eyes closing.. *close close*
i have been talking about crash diet-ing all day long, but i have been eating, non stop. not one second, my mouth stops munching. ok, that's an exaggeration. but you get what i mean.
p.s shurn is looking at me blog now, so i am feeling really uncomfortable! wierd feeling, wahaha.
mother was like pushing the blame to me why i did not make any plans. i did want to get her a necklace. she scolded me instead. i did ask her out to steamboat buffet. but she says she don't want. i asked her if she wants to eat downstairs, she don't want.
so has it became my fault? why must you always push the blame to me?
there is something wierd about me. i would always reply sharlene when she smsed me in the morning while i was sleeping. then i would reply something, but always, i can't remember what i replied. xD hahaha. so when i wake up, i would reread all the smses and reply her another time. xD
I AM SORRY! xD
although i would never say this in real life to my mother,
HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MUMMY. here's a flower for you..
the simple life of mine. my msn nick is sophiscatedRomance, maybe it is getting sophisticated. but. all i want. is just a simple life.
what to say? i don't know. oh. sharlene. (: she gave me this cute surprise and a letter. or rather a card. (: was rather touched. me and her, always quarrelling, but i guess this time, both of us bothers to maintain our friendship. glad that things turn out this way. have learnt to prioritise friends. boyfriends aren't everything. friends won't break up with you, but boyfriend will.
chinheng, has distanced lots from him. almost forgot all the happy times with him. even in msn, when we talked, it always ended up in quarrels, arguements. i would scold him, and he would try to defend himself, then i would just get angrier.. i am sorry. it takes 2 hands to clap.. i just wish you would put in more effort, baby.. although maybe you did, but, more please? maybe, you can't love me the way i need to be loved. although i say i regret being with you, but inside me, no i don't. i just say it to make you angry..
shurn. (: he is just this super sweet person who is so close to me. so sweet, like close to perfection. just want to say thanks for always being there. never quarrelled before. i wonder if we will ever quarrel because he is always smiling. to him, i am also always smiling too..
choices. actually, i know very well, what choice i need to have and need to make. i know it very well. (: it is a matter of time.
and i decided. faithlyn shall be my daughter's name in future. (:
sorry for the lengthy post. i was being lazy so i did not charge my camera's battery, so no pictures. (:
i know who you are already. so stop it seriously. you are just tarnishing your god damn reputation. i removed the tagboard? itching to hide behind an anonymous name and get me down, scold me, curse me? oh, too bad now you can't. now, why not you try to come to my house and spray all those you wanna say outside my house?
medicore piece of shit. no life. if my life is such a crappy one, then why are you even bothering to come to this crappy blogspot with my crappy life?
move on la, you are just jealous i am moving on WITHOUT YOU. big time. i know who you are. you are the one who motivated me to lose weight. because you said i was fat. now i am never feeling better. i am feeling so good, thanks to you..
thanks. (: i still thank God for putting you in my life, because without you, i won't be how i am now. (:
i am in school now. dreadful environment i am forced to be in.
sharlene says there's a surprise for me. what is it what is it? maybe my everyday minerals is here?!
haha.
*excited*
sick these days, that's why i did not have much appetite, that's why i did not eat alot, think my waist went down by a bit.. xD sore throat is like really bad.
and oh ya, i and shar went to do nails yesterday, omg, was it costly. xD but. ahh, i did nail art for the very first time. *hahahaha* and i did pedicure too. =D
i am going to get an open toe sandals, so i can wear it. and show off my nails. lol. my sandals got missing by the way, the one I bought at central mall. ):
The last of memories.. as i browsed.. as i looked.. the tears couldn't stop falling.. you probably don't even care.. you are probably having a good time out there.. for me, i am aching, i am dying.. God, Lift this from me.. cause it hurts too much..
that's the last outing.. that's the last batch.. taken from my camera.. i reminisced, braced myself.. the memories aren't freeing me.. they are holding me tightly like a parasite would to a tree..
Just in case, you think, i have stopped loving you, you are wrong.. in fact.. while i told you all the things i told this afternoon, i was crying.. in public.. the memories flashed and hit me badly like a sandbag.. i gave you an obvious one week. why didn't you do anything? why didn't you at least show that you care and love me? why didn't you? even now, you don't care.. am i worth so little? am i? maybe i am.. maybe.. we barely hit 3 months.. we barely..
to my lost love, i wish you would ever understand how i feel.. if only you bothered to put in a little bit more effort.. if only..
what the crap. imeem isn't working! it's like all 30 seconds! so i changed! to a love song. xD no emo songs. one step closer to happiness!
i reached home early today. to pack my cupboards. i don't have enough hangers for all my clothes. alot i bought on impulse, ended up not wearing. =/
went downstairs to have dinner with "people". !!!! my camera has run out of battery, so no pictures. xD anyway, moving on. tomorrow school is from 3 to 6! i can't wait! wait!
i am thinking how to make sushi. I forgot how to make already. !!!! my favourite! i wanna eat sushi, but i wanna lose weight. my weight has hit the plateau and has stopped at that bloody inch since ages ago. but i really remember praying and telling God that as long as i can reach this "waist inch", i will be so thankful and i will be content!
BUT!!
I am not content. I want to be thinner! NO WAIT, there is not a problem with me, I AM STILL FAT NOW!!
Oh God, just 2 more inches, pleaseeee? Ok, quiet time. Nights. (: I want a super cute tiny pink bible. xD
i find myself adapting to circumstances. adapting to my surroundings, the environments. i find it a wonder why some people treat you nicer when you are just more confident of yourself and when you change. i will never understand why because i don't judge my friends. I don't just be with my friends just because they are popular, pretty, has fashion sense, looks good. I am with my friends because. In fact, most of my friends are people who need help or advises, i help them, and then i became really good friends with them. most of them, not all though.. some are just nice and all. i just feel sad, that there are so many visual people around. have our friendship back? no, i am sorry, i don't know how to be friends with people who talk behind me. How do i ever trust you again? How will you ever be my best friend again? How will i ever look forward to seeing you again? Never.. Sorry, I can forgive but i can't.. forget.. Now, i have found my own comfortable circle of friends. Am happy there. Feeling contented. Because of everything God has showered me.
if one day you are blind, then you will know the beauty of not judging, Tina
i don't want you to make it sound like you calling me or talking to me is like some obligation.. since you need so much freedom, i will give you all of it..
i can face all the mess myself.
if this is what you want, your wish is granted, i can do it myself, Tina
1. No one cares for me anymore. 2. I am not important to anyone anymore. 3. I get disfigured. 4. I can't see. 5. I can't walk. 6. I am a burden. 7. My loved one cheating on me. 8. My loved one saying or showing that I am not good enough for him. 9. Death. 10. My mother and brother leaving me. 11. Kidney failure. 12. Vegetable. 13. Being alone, no one is there.. 14. Being ostracized.
15. Cockroaches 16. Heights
The moody me. The really moody me. I have to just be strong for 1 and half more year.
ok lah, not all are pink. I don't wanna be a pink girl too. Because I heart other colours. PURPLE =D (say that to purposely spite someone muahaha) oh ya, sharlene pulled me to the anna sui counter yesterday and i bought my eye glitter. lovin' it so much, ya know! i am so glad that i am not a guy! hee.
I am trying to do my church homework now. But I am distracted. xD to do things like this. hmm, as a result, i cannot go out today. xD but that's ok.
Probably meeting mother later to help her carry things home from grocery shopping. I wanna buy my apples. I ate 15 apples in a week. muahaha. that's too many yes!
what to do. trying to lose stubborn fats. if not i grow and balloon. xD oh ya, i didn't manage to lose fats yesterday because i ate too much. xD
actually that's not all we ate. there was part 2 when we went to secret recipe. then then cakes. xD wahaha. !!
I want to change my name! Not as in just verbally. Getting a lawyer to do the deed poll. If need to have parents' consent, i think i will wait till i am 21. (:
FAITHLYN TAN
"Faithlyn" just came to me when i was praying during BMT last sunday.. i have never seen this name before, seriously. but i like the sound and look of it. Faithlyn. Having faith.
i really, really have a fun time with my friends and everyone! i thought all would forget about my birthday, but they did not!! *happy* *whee* friday, saturday, sunday and monday were wonderful days. the best weekends of my life. (:
many new things. 1. pinky 2. pouch 3. bracelet 4. anklet 5. earring 6. mini fan 7. cross keychain 8. pink bible 9. PINK LG ICE CREAM PHONE AHHHH!!
nevertheless,
now, i am feeling sad.
-school is starting, i really dread it. i wish, time can stop here.. -personal.. i am gonna throw it in my private blog.
sometimes, i feel that i am selfish. i am very selfish. the best of 2 worlds? for a moment, i actually wanted that. i need to think, set my life right, be fair, to me, to everyone..
i cooked my wonderful soup just now, yummy. but now, i feel like eating chicken wings. i bought 4 new pieces of clothes =D and 2 hairclips. I need to get a bag =D BAGG!
yesterday, did BM for church. it was fun. but tiring.
actually, i don't know what to post. yawns. nights.
The modeling agency just called me. And asked me to go for an interview.
She said.
"Hi Tina, my colleague actually highly recommended you to take up modeling, would you like to come down for us to take a look?”
LOOK WHERE? I AM FAT. -_- anytheways, they said, that for her colleague to shortlist me, my looks should be "okay".
is that a compliment or an insult? anytheways, wednesday 11.30. should i? should i not? now, i wish i have a handsome suit. then i can wear it for modeling!
i am crying as i type this.. I feel very upset.. Pastor said, nowadays, youngsters blog their true feelings, That's where the real me is. Myself.. I wish I don't have so many problems.. I wish he can share all my sadness with me.. I wish i can at least see a glimpse of the rainbow after fighting for so long.. I hate being in this.. I hate being in this shell.. I don't want to stay at home.. But.. I don't want to go out either.. Smiling when my heart is crying.. Telling everyone I am ok when i am not.. I am tired.. Tired of trying.. Tired of thinking how to make us better.. Tired of closing an eye and pretending everything is alright.. Tired of me and you leading our own lives.. I am tired.. Who bother to stop and give me a tissue.. Who bothers to.. Sometimes, When the rain gets too heavy.. And the raindrops just keep on hitting on you.. It hurts.. Looking around, There's no shelter, nobody in sight.. I am all alone..
What do i do? I don't know actually.. Everything that i do, seems wrong. I just.. I am at a loss for words, i don't know what to do or say. I don't know if you have reached home. Probably yes. Probably. Think you need some space and time to yourself. Me too.. I..
I still love you.. Like the first day i set my eyes on the blur you.. The day..
20th Dec 2008 The day God decides to give me you.. I was waiting for this day all along..
i just need to know.. do i even mean something to you? do i mean anything?
do you know, many a times, having you as my boyfriend, is like not having a boyfriend.. when i am sad and need someone to talk to, i know i can't find you. now, when i am free, i don't dare to ask you out. Previous few days, you say this weekend is all mine, but now, you can't even confirm if it's mine.
i am tired of guessing what you are doing, or what you want to do..
i think, i will just get on with my life.. maybe you would be happier with your life. only when you need me, call me.
And i will be there..
wishing i was of more importance to you, just like how you are to me, Tina
My legs hurt damn bad. it has this aching sore argh, feeling. I finally ate it. the macarons.
Sunday went to gym, and my friend was my personal trainer. =D Went to town with Sharlene for shopping? And i ended up buying this expensive blusher and "eyebrow mascara"? *heart pains* Baby came to join halfway. Comforting this podder, she's heartbroken. Baby see me home.
Lazy to say what I was up to on Friday and Saturday.
I called Baby earlier. Asked him if he miss me. "Yah." I miss you. "Ok." We talk later. "Ok."
My independent and wierd, insensitive boyfriend. But i have stopped thinking that he doesn't love me cause of the things he said and do.
"Even if i say that i am tired on MSN, or i give short replies, i still love you. Remember that."
I am remembering that.
It is tough loving you. But it is getting easier each day. I love you. I love your small hands. Although it sweats when you're in a cold place.
today, was such a happening day. had changes of plans. was deciding between 9 msn blinking windows, who i should go out with. initially wanted to go to NUS to crap with my friends. issues happen, i don't want to be alone with a guy in a hostel, so i met up with my friend of three years at WestMall.
It was nice, watching Paul Mall cop, it was a funny show, very meaningful. :D after that, went to wait for my brother to end work. and have supper with him.
oh yah. i am so excited. i spent money buying cash in Celestial Destroyer. (oh ya, i ws busy typing this, and i didn't realise i died there, 10% of exp gone. goodness.)
my new red dress.
my unicorn.
it is cheap, because it is malaysia server. i am a happy girl for now.
oh ya, tmr i am going to eat macaroons. :D YOU BETTER BE JEALOUS.
My boyfriend loves Macarons. so, here it is. raspberry and coconuts are my love.
Ingredients-
* 6 oz sliced blanched almonds (not slivered; 2 cups) * 1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar * 3 large egg whites * 3/4 teaspoon salt * 3 tablespoons granulated sugar * Red or pink food coloring
Make macaroons: Line 2 baking sheets with parchment paper.
Pulse almonds with 1/2 cup confectioners sugar in a food processor until very finely ground, 2 to 3 minutes, then transfer to a bowl. Sift in remaining cup confectioners sugar, stirring to combine.
Beat egg whites with salt in another bowl with an electric mixer at medium speed until they just hold soft peaks. Add granulated sugar, a little at a time, beating, then increase speed to high and continue to beat until whites just hold stiff, glossy peaks. Add drops of food coloring to reach desired shade and mix at low speed until evenly combined. Stir almond mixture into meringue with a rubber spatula until completely incorporated. (Meringue will deflate.)
Spoon batter into bag, pressing out excess air, and snip off 1 corner of plastic bag to create a 1/4-inch opening. Twist bag firmly just above batter, then pipe peaked mounds of batter (the size of a chocolate kiss) onto lined sheets about 1 1/2 inches apart. Let cookies stand, uncovered, at room temperature until tops are no longer sticky and a light crust forms, 20 to 30 minutes.
Meanwhile, put oven racks in upper and lower thirds of oven and preheat oven to 300°F.
Bake cookies, switching position of sheets halfway through baking, until crisp and edges are just slightly darker, 20 to 25 minutes. Cool completely on sheets on racks, about 30 minutes.
Twilight.
I heart this picture. So beautiful. It is when Edward saves Bella from a car. I can't wait for year end.
i want to hold your hands, walk together with you, through every obstacles. don't let go, even if the problem seems impossible to solve. because.. i love you..
tina was supposed to be a good girl, and start dieting today. but brother pulled her to eat chicken wings, and she ate 2. yucks.
nehhhhh-mind. i shall not eat anymore chickenwings!!
went to the police station just now, drop charges against my mother, and everything is fine. hopefully. called Baby earlier, but he did not pick up. Guess he is eating lunch.
Brother and his friends asked me to go play pool with them later on, but but, i just hate pool, so nope i am not going. im going to stay home today. i am so tired.
baby, yea you are right, this special column is for you again. i am feeling so.. unsure. not unsure of you.. but, unsure of what you are thinking. i am afraid you will give up on us. i am afraid you would be happier without me.. i am afraid your feelings would change? i am afraid we would lead our own lives without each other.. baby, i miss you so much.. i love you.. to the extent of excepting you.. your unstickiness, your independentness, the woodblock you, i.. love you.. please be there for me, always? it's not how long we spend our times it's not how many times we spend together.. it's the quality.. and the number of i love you's exchanged in our gazes..
the moment i have you made me realise i don't want a single moment without you, because you complete me, Tina
slept for an hour, crawled out of bed to find ChinHeng at his house nearby. Saw him, felt so glad. Accompanied him to ALexandra Hospital, everything is fine. Felt happy. Then, Ikea for lunch.
his.
ours. :D
mine.
after that, went to SIM to get some stuffs done. then off we go to his house. and OMG, his house is so warm. -_- and he just left me there on the bed, while he use his computer? damn facebook applications. *grrrr*
went off to IMM. because he too, is looking for a hoodie. (: so we went to imm. but we were angry with each other. so we didn't even talk to each other. =/
but soon things are trashed out.
baby bought me a purple jacket from new balance. *happy* it means alot to me.
there, that's all.
i and baby decided to give each other breather for one week at least. hopefully, things will get better or something. hopefully.
It's the wee hours of the morning. The cold air is blowing through my open windows. The familiar smell of rain, trees, sand. I closed my eyes. He appeared in my mind. Youtubing. and found this song, which he used to sing to me.
It's not how long we held each other's hand What matters is how well we loved each other It's not how far we travelled on our way Of what we found to say It's not the spring you see, but all the shades of green
It's not how long I held you in my arms What matters is how sweet the years together It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall The early morning smiles we tearfully recall What matters most is that we loved at all.
It's not how many summertimes we had to give to fall The early morning smiles we tearfully recall What matters most is that we loved at all.
What matters most is that we loved at all.
the lyrics seem so real, it felt like yesterday. it felt just like yesterday you came to cck just to catch a glimpse of me. it felt just like yesterday you ran to chase the bus to see how i look like. you saw me, put the ring on me, and say you love me..
then the love turned. to something possessive. and when you can't control, it became hatred. but if there's no love, where's the hatred?
i don't miss you. i don't love you. it's just that.. you're my past.
back to my present. I can't get to sleep. Played abit of Celestial Destroyer. Level 70 already. Did some stuffs to help my friend.
(urgently needed.) -aloe vera gel. -detox tea. -manicure. -dress.
:D not much wants at the moment. one more month to getting E71. I can't wait.
A small note to boyfriend.
Sometimes, I feel like giving up. Sometimes, I feel you don't care. Sometimes, I feel exasperated. Sometimes, I feel like running away from you. Sometimes, I feel that you are so hopeless. But.... Baby, I am not giving up. I am sorry, I didn't try to understand. I didn't mean to. I will try, to be more understanding. Baby, Please be more sensitive to my feelings. Don't turn a blind eye to them, Because you will only hurt me. I am not giving up. I am not..
i am sorry. i did not try to understand you. i did not. i like it when you said you fastened your footsteps to see me. (: it makes me feel warm inside.
to know that you want to see me, makes me feel so loved. babybaby, i love you, i love you. i really love you.
i am sorry. i should be more understanding towards you, love. i have only been upset at what you have not been doing, but i have not really stopped, thank you for all that you have done.
baby, i want to hold your hands tight. can you hold mine tighter later? i want to feel safe in your hold.
i'll try to be your understanding girlfriend, Tina
i am angry with myself for not letting him get my point. he doesn't understand. he blew it. again. left me in the middle of nowhere last night.
wtf. i can't take it anymore. i need someone who cares. not someone who is always using "tired" as an excuse. no calls, no smses, no concern. who am i to you?
your girlfriend when you are happy. a stranger when there are issues and she's unhappy. and don't you know, all i need is a hug from you to know that everything is fine..
woke up late earlier just now. went to watch "unborn" with fergen. he was laughing at me. =/cause i was scared. but the fright scenes were really scary. =/
slept a very short nap just now. so was very tired. practically dragged myself out of bed. it was that bad.
met boyfriend. he wore that black shirt of his. his marathon shirt. his favourite shirt. i have a plan. i am going to bite it till there are many holes. =D
heh, boyfriend. he has an inner side, another side of him. that gentle, serious side of him. that side which made me feel like he really love me alot at times. sometimes, he hold my hands so tightly, it made me feel safe. in crowds. he made me feel like he will never lose me.
i love him. i want him to know.. i don't care if other people feel if he is cute or not. i don't care if other people like him, or detest him. he is just so. perfect. i love him. i see him as someone who. is really flawless. but does he see me as flawless too? somehow, i feel i am not good enough for him. i seek to, be his perfect girl, but will i ever be? i know love is not all about looks, but i want him to be attracted to me.
just like how i was attracted to him.
i miss my flawless boyfriend of mine.
baby, sometimes, i really feel that i am not good enough. you may think i don't really care. but in actual fact, i do care how you look at me. i am sorry i ruined your day today. perhaps, i was still affected by what happened yesterday. perhaps, i did not get enough sleep. perhaps. i ain't normal.
and baby.
please say you love me a thousand times. no, infinity times. i need that. please say that you love me for who i am. please don't compare me. please don't describe other girls. i am jealous. yes, i am a jealous girl. that's because, i love you. i love you, that's why i became selfish and got jealous.
love isn't selfless. love is selfish. i only want him to be mine. baby, do you get it? i am not somebody who is perfect. i felt jealousy. it feels very bad. the feeling of jealousy sucks. it makes me want to cry out loud. cry out really loud.
baby.
i love you.
won't you just hold my hands tighter to let me know that you love me, tina
deleted many blogs too. had to erase those memories which were not meant to stay. i miss lots of my past. those memories which were never meant to be made, they are etched deeply in my mind, and it hurts for me to relive them..
i dare not trust, i dare not know, i dare not ask. just need somewhere to write my thoughts sometimes. it isn't safe for me to write a diary manually, because my mother reads them. i am so tired of everything at home. my attachment is defered because i have to see to things at home, because my mother needs attention from me. i am so tired taking care of her in the weekdays. i don't know whether she is faking it or is it real.. i really don't, anymore.. i am so tired, but who bothers to care..
he isn't letting go of me. he knows he has an edge over me. and i hate it. i wish he can just let me move on.
don't know what layout to do for my blog. shall just stick to this simple one. am not in the right mood to blog.
it's the weekends. (:
wishing everything would be back to the past, tina
? Welcomes!
http://tinas-constellation.blogspot.com
My Blog.
My Say.
My Rules. BUT
That doesn't mean I'm unfriendly! :D
Hey-ya!
I'm Baobao!!
I love shopping for new clothes!
I love MAC and maybeline cosmetics!
I love having new looks!
I love manicures.
I love dresses!!
I love YAKULT!!
I LOVE to eat chicken wings :D
I LOVE to eat hotdog :D
I HATE to cry!!
